Why Did I Stay?….a short blog

Written by Sara Todd

Why did I stay?
A short blog...

I would say with this one the answer is in the question.

You were treated unkindly, abused, lied to, criticised, shamed.
But somehow you felt responsible.

So now you have left the relationship, you could say to yourself.

* I've had a hard time I need to be kind to myself
* I need time to heal from this meanness and cruelty
* I'm angry with the person who did this

But instead you say, Why did I stay? Why didn't I leave sooner?

You are turning the anger on yourself. You are making yourself responsible.

*The reason you stayed and the reason you're asking this question are the same. You habitually make yourself Responsible for other people's actions.*

The perpetrator is responsible for their own poor behaviour, even though they won't admit it. They won't give you closure - they DARVO.

Deny
Attack
Reverse victim and offender

Nevertheless, they are responsible for the poor treatment. You are not. You are free.


* Dr Jennifer Freyd coined the phrase DARVO  


Sara Todd

Having graduated in 2010 from the Wealden Institute with an advanced diploma in Integrative Counselling, Sara added to her knowledge of Person-Centred counselling, Transactional Analysis and Gestalt, by studying Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, Art in therapy and Internal Family Systems. She works with clients who are estranged from family, are survivors of Narcissistic abuse and who suffer from panic, anxiety and complex post-traumatic stress.

https://info@saratoddcounselling.co.uk
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Living with someone who is trying to hurt you (emotional abuse)