It is not unusual for people to grow up with a people pleasing need. Their parents may have unintentionally created emotional neglect in their children’s lives owing to lack of capacity, drink or drug dependency, workaholism, poverty, depression, imprisonment, dissociation, carrying forward an inherited pattern.

               People pleasing habits picked up in childhood

·        To be good

·        To please others

·        To have radar for others’ moods

·        To feel responsible for others

·        To rely on partner being happy to feel okay

can be hard to shake.

These habits can leave people vulnerable to Narcissistic type characters testing out how far they can be pushed. In the run up to this boundary violation, you will likely been given a lot of warmth and flattery by the Narcissist – you’re in the love-bombing phase – and to your neglected child parts this is like an oasis in the desert. (See Blog entitled the Pizza and Candy Man)

So if you have experienced Narcissistic abuse, you are part of an exclusive club. And the general population may well not understand the extent of your suffering and the gravity of the abuse doled out on to you. It is not up to you to explain it to them either or to justify your position. But to spare yourself, it may be useful to be aware that it is okay to choose who you tell about your experience with care.

And if you need therapeutic support or legal support, check out with that professional their understanding of the dynamics created by Narcissists so you have the right people to guide you as you separate from this toxic dynamic.

An explanation of Grey Rocking, it’s uses and how to do it.

The confusing scenario of being in an abusive relationship where the partner also seems kind and caring. What this does to the psyche and why therapy is often required to extract a person from these entangled relationships.

Covert Narcissists tend to create good optics outside of the home, so people think they are kind, generous, charming etc. These days they also use social media to create a positive impression. Indeed, they may behave nicely most of the time to all but one or two people (their scapegoats) or their abusive outbursts may be occasional.

               Like overt narcissistic personalities, they do vary, but what they often have in common with the overts is that they are

·        Self-focused

·        Economical with the truth

·        Prone to exaggerate

·        Crave attention and validation

·        Angry if their needs are not met

·        Lack of genuine empathy

Looking at recovery or child exiled parts through psychotherapeutic intervention, using Internal Family Systems following a narcissistic abuse relationship.

Over time, and this may take decades, the client comes to a tipping point and there is often an ‘Ah, ha’ moment in working with clients who are survivors of a Narcissistic relationship where they realise what is going on.

Looking for a New Year’s resolution for 2026?

Here’s a short and simple one: ‘Disidentify with the mind’*